~ Addicts do one of two things; disrupt your world by their presence, or disrupt your world by their absence...
The typical reason that our friends/family disappear without a word or explanation is: They are doing or being someone/something that they know we would not approve of, they cannot face us.
…And even if they are with you, right in front of you, they are far far away. They have lost their presence to the addiction as they leave us dumbfounded without cause – and it hurts.
When they go, they may or may not re-surface...upon the return, the motives are less than clean. They will show up with an apology and an excuse while you sat in turmoil trying to figure out if they were dead or alive, and what in the world you did to have them exit so suddenly. They tend to go in and out of our lives as if we were willingly opening and closing the door for them. Oh how distorted that view is as we remain completely invisible - and it hurts.
They are masters at sabotage because their actions of inconsideration are out of intoxication. They push you away, do things they know will disappoint, hoping to get you so pissed you explode. This method is how they lay blame in their ever-unaccountable being because it is easier for them to be horrid, than it is to come clean.
~ Here is where you get a huge dose of life (a lesson of inner strength), but only if you are willing to dive in to get past them - even when it hurts ~
Please understand it is not about you and there is nothing you can do but love them anyway. It is locating that love you hold for them fully, deeply, truly... (far deeper than the addictions are to them.) You have to prove it to yourself – and it hurts.
Whether or not they come through, or come clean… You must. (Going down the rabbit hole with them is so uncalled for and you need to be clear and clean to survive) - Their desire has nothing to with you. Get it right… You will be last, you will be lost, and you will be given away to the addiction.. But remember, they can't take your soul – Even when you hurt.
These people, (our family and friends) live in constant pain, self-loathing and the only light they have is a drink of bad reality. They have been placed in our lives for many reasons. Your call. But the sooner you release them unto themselves, the sooner you will find inner peace.
The damage they do? It IS repairable, but rarely forgotten. Please forgive yourself first then embrace them with all your heart. You cannot fix them, change them, or show them a better life unless they ask and are ready to do the work (and the work is HUGE). But it is not your job, no matter how much they "need" you, they need themselves more. Don't enable. Make them accountable – even as it hurts.
And through it all, remember that this too shall pass. So when they heal, (if they heal) what “was” has come and now gone; it is up to you to move on with or without them.
Addicts affect all they come in contact with – but it works both ways to the good and bad. This is a higher level of understanding, being able to create a gift out of potential disaster. Find your compassion; locate the love, it is there... just let it all go - One small step to change.
Time heals and only time can tell that you/they will be better and stronger for it…
Even though… it hurts. (dl)