Monday, December 28, 2015


I have always felt alone, but not lonely.

This feeling began when I was very young and it was hard to be with.

I didn’t have the tools, the knowledge or the understanding to articulate the emptiness, so began the titled vision of my aloneness.

As a child, I was always standing just on the outside of the circle that gave me a unique view of just how cruel (and awe-filled) life can be and I witnessed this dichotomy with great wonder.

The meanness of my friends left me uncomfortable — it was like new shoes that are too tight, but you have to wear them to break them in — and yet those same souls could turn in an instant, pick a milkweed flower and give it to me as an offering of peace without an explanation. There were no words, life went on.

I wrestled with these kinds of goods and evils (in my mind) for much of my life but never spoke clearly about them. I felt isolated in my query as it seemed that the world was so full of itself that it certainly didn’t have time to explain to the curious heart, so I turned to nature.

It was/is my salvation, my hug, and one that would console my curiosity with kindness.

Alone, I found solace in special spots where I could cry out loud or be joyous for no reason and no one would hear me.

Alone, I found peace in the trees, or on a rock that seemed to have a seat carved perfectly for my form.

Alone, I found comfort in the wind as it kissed my cheek.

Alone, I found that the birds would stop momentarily and answer my deepest thoughts even as they were flitting around scattered and frenzied.

Alone, I would walk, sometimes for hours, and the motion of my gait soothed my moods.

Alone, I can write it out, ride it out, come to meet my dark side, shake my hand, and then be warmed by the light of acceptance.

Alone, I became my best friend.

This is a friend I could rely on, the one who knows me best. The one who can tear down the walls and build them up again. Alone is the keeper of my key that holds the cipher to my heart. I learned to twist the view to quench the thirst for company and appreciate a slightly tilted persona alone, not lonely.

Thoughts in my head are always swirling, but I am good with this — I have learned to love totality. I do not always agree with the ways of the world, but who am I to judge? I am no one, I am everyone, I am in you — can you see me?

Life is still a huge mystery — with the vast amount of unknowns it hits the very core of the void, a void that we can never fill. This emptiness has been root cause for many things. It has led the way to discovery and driven some to their demise.

It has opened the portals to creativity, and stifled the most brilliant minds, and yet, it is the most common connection we have.

Celebrate your aloneness. Stand in the crowd and relish the energy, or go to a place where you are enraptured by your own essence. What you are feeling is universal. The hum of life (when you tune in) is what moves us in solitary unison. Feel it largely, fully, and deeply.

Once this is understood, you cannot help but love being alone, and loneliness will not cross your path ever again.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015


Late afternoon, quiet and unpopulated…

We are in Road Bay, Anguilla - A small Island with a small population. Most of the activity around is from tourists, tour boats and cruisers.  There is the faint sound of a dog barking in the background, the wind in the rigging and the birds are chattering up a storm and vying for attention. The rest of the island sounds travel slow and polite, just like the clouds overhead…. It is sedate.

There are very few cars here. Most are for rent and sitting in empty spaces. The main mode of transportation is by foot and the soles of feet are bare to the ground below.

Life is simple, respectful and uncomplicated. 

I observe a young boy at edge of the surf.  He is in his own world and couldn’t be happier.  He seems to be about age ten and vividly reveling in his youth.  He runs up and down the beach; adds a hop, adds a skip, and talks to himself with expressive gestures and an inner smile.

He sees me, and he shyly grins.  He then accelerates his gate as he knows I am watching.  He sprints down the shoreline jumps on, and then over the pier.
He is proud of his speed and a bit of “chest-pumping” shows up in his tender attempt to be recognized as strong and fast.  Little does he know, I DO see it and he is already there.

His carefree play goes on for quite some time and it makes me wonder, reminisce and recall how childhood has this magical allure of nothingness, and that children have the unique way of making into nothing into something - explosive and joyous – it is what they do. 

He doesn’t have a phone in his hand or a toy.  He doesn’t have a playmate or siblings around, he just has himself - and he is content.  It is more than apparent that he has been raised (so far) to appreciate the gifts he has: strong legs, a joyful heart and he lives in a very special place. 

I am making an assumption now, but I would wager a guess his Christmas list is short and has a very small glimmer of expectation – but if the wishes are not met, I believe, he knows that a driftwood stick with a clump of seaweed can do the same thing as a golden toy sword.

Entitlements: They have turned our society inside out. Every time I see a child with a tear or a smile I wonder what kind of a world we will leave them. 

While wants and desires can work in our favor (i.e. propel us to betterment) for the most part we are desperately consuming the media toxicity in and with constant comparison to have, or have not…. and for what?

I don’t want a time machine to take us back to simpler ways or to go forward into the abyss, I just want all children to know their blessings and embrace them as so many so-called “under privileged” souls do.   Because “want” leads to suffering and there is truly enough of that in our world already.

This has nothing to do with religion, politics or geography; it has everything to do with basic human morals – or in one word, contentment. Our pot at the end of the rainbow, our half glass, our purpose and goals will all be met when we find serenity in our present situation (good, bad or indifferent). 

Will life be less problematic? NO.  But getting a giggle out of a quick sprint that ramps up the adrenaline, takes our breath away and reminds us all that our heart beats to many different drums is a sure path to happiness.  Why make it complicated when things are truly and wonderfully simple. 

This is a truth.  Those that deny this, are those that live in deep drama and are on need of a huge dose of gratitude.  Like the child who can see through atrocity, their soul thrives in a smile it is understood that simplicity of wisdom is only complicated when we make it so.

Now ask yourself in honesty, “What is it that you truly want?” (dl)

Monday, December 21, 2015

The first one who takes our breath away isn’t always the one who will resuscitate us.

When the thighs stop tingling, and the heart doesn’t skip a beat anymore, all is not lost, don’t give up. We have to be open to who and what stands in front of us, without any unreal expectations or drama, and remember why we chose them.

It is an odd presumption to think that the relationship we have with our partners, family or friends will always be the same — wanting consistency that belongs to a past come and gone is root cause of the meltdown. Everyone, and everything, changes.

The only way to sustain a relationship is to accept this truth.This, meaning nothing will be the same as it was when you first met, and trying to keep it in its original form is the portal to breaking bad. You may grow together, or grow apart. That is life, and it is simple, but there are a few things to consider for keeping the fire alive inside.

1. The kiss.

Going in… be a friend before being a lover, and don’t forget to kiss that friend long and deeply.

Eventually the honeymoon will be over, and having a best friend who is your lover is far better than having a lover who doesn’t have the capacity to be your friend. That is the beauty of growing old together hand in hand, without having to sacrifice passion.

Touch is everything — our bodies long for it no matter what the age of the relationship is, and a gentle come and get me look coupled with the knowledge of how you know each other can set the friendship aflame.

2. Leave the psychic ability to the Psychic.

Get this embedded into your heart. The trap of they should know better is the gateway to disappointment, and is selfish and unyielding. The Male mind doesn’t work like the Female version does — end of story. Communicate. Asking in earnest usually equates to compliance instead of anger and resentment.

The respect grows, and heightens love.

3. Don’t take on a hot mess.

If there are red flags at the onset, heed them — because nothing will change.

Your heart will tell you. Listen, or pay the price. It is a hard road to walk if we allow someone into our world just to fill the void, and if you think you will be the catalyst for them (for better behavior) you are sadly mistaken. Don’t let your ego/pride fool you. That is when we end up more alone than before, broken and empty.

4. We are who we are. Period.

We don’t have to be loud about it, but we don’t need to hide what we love to do, to feel, or how we like to be.

If you are ashamed or fearful of their reaction, perhaps they are not The One. Being anyone less than you are, for the sake or the fear of losing out on love, is disrespecting your own Soul. A true partner accepts us (every inch) just as we accept them.

If they cannot understand you at the early stage of the relationship, then bow out — it will not be any different down the road.

5. For the love of Love, drop your sword.

Battles are futile, and what purpose does it serve to fight? The answer is: None. There is no winner, only pain. Stand your ground with love, not ego. Respectful discussions are brilliant, and you don’t have to agree on everything, ever.

Remember that friend from the first point above? Now listen to them (our partners) as you would your best friend, and listen openly. More often than not, you will see something you didn’t see before.

6.Give each other time and space — it is the gift of being true.

Being tied to the hip is a sure sign of co-dependency, control issues and non-trust. Everyone needs room to breathe. It honors the heart/mind body and soul. Space allows freedom, and freedom makes coming together hotter, vivid, alive.

7.Stand tall — if the relationship ends, it was not meant to be.

Thank them. You two came together for many reasons. Maybe you can walk on with peace and dignity.

Sometimes, it is easy to remember them when, yet we don’t remember why. We long for the new, but stay in the old. We want to feel like we did at one time, instead of feeling what it is to be complete and in the moment.

It isn’t a dream, awaken now — the moment is here in front of our eyes.

So exit conclusions, and enter beginnings, no matter how old or long it has been. Life is change — let it change. Change is good, let it come to you. Good is when you let it happen, and the happening is right now. Reach in, release it, and set it free.

Lastly, the heart may feel disappointed and broken for the moment, but all a broken heart means is that you are truly open, and in time you will heal. The pain is temporary, and can be a beautiful reminder of just how alive you are.

I reiterate, love them, thank them, and carry on. (dl)

Friday, December 18, 2015


It is a curious war I have raged as I hopelessly try to engage and fulfill many truths. Problem arises in innocence as I battle the demons from the deepest darkest place in the core.

The truths are so blackened; raw and undefined they stay behind in the space of the surreal. To revive them is like giving birth to a nauseating beast of remembrance –

But I know I must -

Delete the lust when he bent me over
Repel the malign that scalds the memory
Embrace the relentless mind chatter then backhand it hard
Turn a blind eye for my eyes have witnessed such atrocities
Rot in the notion I make a difference
Throw my hands up, as I really don’t give a fuck anymore

The smell of desperation, the taste of cold refute, and the angst of:
Will I? Should I? and can I be someone else if only for a moment.

Walking through the embers of a child, a girl, and a woman of different guises in time and space is difficult to articulate in color, so I stay still in the gray. The fight continues to exist in middle ground like the remains of the ashes that stick to the bare feet of the soul.

As I wash the dirt off my naked sincerity I observe the new form it takes on mixing with liquid life – all of a sudden color pours from the tears; it stems from a mystical aromatic hue that takes my breath away and chokes me hard.

Full circle is the karmic wheel I have lived respectively, wholly, and dangerously wild.

An unrivaled call to meet sets the heart on fire once again. I am alive, renewed and above all ready to take on another round of the core rioting with possibility; knowing full well, that the circle is void and I will be ashen once again… (dl)

Thursday, December 17, 2015


Not knowing where to begin is the most common complaint when we are ‘stuck’–and that’s okay.

Sometimes we just have to be stuck. It is the Universe’s way of telling us to slow down, breathe. It also signals there is more for us to get through and learn in the current situation.

Stuck is often a resting place for the ego that has been bruised, chastised and is a bit wary of relinquishing trust. It happens to us all.

So if you can recognize and accept being stuck as a temporary obstacle, it may or may not ease the situation, however, it may help to know “that this too shall pass.” It may also relieve the suspicion that your intuition has let you down. It didn’t and never will.
Many times a message is in hibernation just under the surface. It is waiting for us to acknowledge what is there so we can thrive.

This is when major shifts occur in our life. As we take on a new form, we lose some of the old. We rid ourselves of unhealthy habits, and the friends and family who accompanied them, while we simultaneously gain a different understanding. We view the aches and pains of a growth spurt as we do a breaking heart, but they are also an opening to the wisdom that was held back due to doubt and fear.
And before we have breakthroughs, we often have breakdowns.

The chaos that comes with a breakthrough typically brings contradiction and conflict (both of which are beautiful teachers). This chaos is an internal cleaning of our house, our mind and body, which eliminates our toxins and poisons. The poison allowed us to deny our pain as we wallow in the mud of anticipation. That breakdown is followed by the great awakening, waiting for the beautiful bud to bloom.

If you decide to remain in the dirt and use “I am stuck” as your mantra, it will thwart any progression as it becomes more than just an excuse. This simply means you are not ready or willing to come up and get clean—and again, that is okay. Just don’t forget to embrace your decision with surrender.
Nothing will make sense until it is time and you are ready.

So when you are done, truly done, ready to move, clean it up and get clear, resolve will unfold right before you. It can be a tough one, but well worth the effort to push through the dirt to cleanse and flower.

We have only this life and this body for now, but we get to reinvent our passions, pleasures, and knowledge time after time, year after year. It is the springtime of our knowing. Fresh, sincere and in grace, being stuck really is a blessing when it is allowed to be.

Remember, every time doubt and uncertainty enter the mind, take it as a gentle nudge from above that what lies below is getting ready to surface. What you decide to do with it is optional, but what I can tell you is this: being in the mud can be a huge mess or a lot of fun. It is also a reminder that there is always something more to what appears to be immovable and dirty than what we see on the surface.
Once it is seen, it is our opportunity to transform and come clean in full bloom.

Photo: Lune Feerique