Monday, December 28, 2015


I have always felt alone, but not lonely.

This feeling began when I was very young and it was hard to be with.

I didn’t have the tools, the knowledge or the understanding to articulate the emptiness, so began the titled vision of my aloneness.

As a child, I was always standing just on the outside of the circle that gave me a unique view of just how cruel (and awe-filled) life can be and I witnessed this dichotomy with great wonder.

The meanness of my friends left me uncomfortable — it was like new shoes that are too tight, but you have to wear them to break them in — and yet those same souls could turn in an instant, pick a milkweed flower and give it to me as an offering of peace without an explanation. There were no words, life went on.

I wrestled with these kinds of goods and evils (in my mind) for much of my life but never spoke clearly about them. I felt isolated in my query as it seemed that the world was so full of itself that it certainly didn’t have time to explain to the curious heart, so I turned to nature.

It was/is my salvation, my hug, and one that would console my curiosity with kindness.

Alone, I found solace in special spots where I could cry out loud or be joyous for no reason and no one would hear me.

Alone, I found peace in the trees, or on a rock that seemed to have a seat carved perfectly for my form.

Alone, I found comfort in the wind as it kissed my cheek.

Alone, I found that the birds would stop momentarily and answer my deepest thoughts even as they were flitting around scattered and frenzied.

Alone, I would walk, sometimes for hours, and the motion of my gait soothed my moods.

Alone, I can write it out, ride it out, come to meet my dark side, shake my hand, and then be warmed by the light of acceptance.

Alone, I became my best friend.

This is a friend I could rely on, the one who knows me best. The one who can tear down the walls and build them up again. Alone is the keeper of my key that holds the cipher to my heart. I learned to twist the view to quench the thirst for company and appreciate a slightly tilted persona alone, not lonely.

Thoughts in my head are always swirling, but I am good with this — I have learned to love totality. I do not always agree with the ways of the world, but who am I to judge? I am no one, I am everyone, I am in you — can you see me?

Life is still a huge mystery — with the vast amount of unknowns it hits the very core of the void, a void that we can never fill. This emptiness has been root cause for many things. It has led the way to discovery and driven some to their demise.

It has opened the portals to creativity, and stifled the most brilliant minds, and yet, it is the most common connection we have.

Celebrate your aloneness. Stand in the crowd and relish the energy, or go to a place where you are enraptured by your own essence. What you are feeling is universal. The hum of life (when you tune in) is what moves us in solitary unison. Feel it largely, fully, and deeply.

Once this is understood, you cannot help but love being alone, and loneliness will not cross your path ever again.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015


Late afternoon, quiet and unpopulated…

We are in Road Bay, Anguilla - A small Island with a small population. Most of the activity around is from tourists, tour boats and cruisers.  There is the faint sound of a dog barking in the background, the wind in the rigging and the birds are chattering up a storm and vying for attention. The rest of the island sounds travel slow and polite, just like the clouds overhead…. It is sedate.

There are very few cars here. Most are for rent and sitting in empty spaces. The main mode of transportation is by foot and the soles of feet are bare to the ground below.

Life is simple, respectful and uncomplicated. 

I observe a young boy at edge of the surf.  He is in his own world and couldn’t be happier.  He seems to be about age ten and vividly reveling in his youth.  He runs up and down the beach; adds a hop, adds a skip, and talks to himself with expressive gestures and an inner smile.

He sees me, and he shyly grins.  He then accelerates his gate as he knows I am watching.  He sprints down the shoreline jumps on, and then over the pier.
He is proud of his speed and a bit of “chest-pumping” shows up in his tender attempt to be recognized as strong and fast.  Little does he know, I DO see it and he is already there.

His carefree play goes on for quite some time and it makes me wonder, reminisce and recall how childhood has this magical allure of nothingness, and that children have the unique way of making into nothing into something - explosive and joyous – it is what they do. 

He doesn’t have a phone in his hand or a toy.  He doesn’t have a playmate or siblings around, he just has himself - and he is content.  It is more than apparent that he has been raised (so far) to appreciate the gifts he has: strong legs, a joyful heart and he lives in a very special place. 

I am making an assumption now, but I would wager a guess his Christmas list is short and has a very small glimmer of expectation – but if the wishes are not met, I believe, he knows that a driftwood stick with a clump of seaweed can do the same thing as a golden toy sword.

Entitlements: They have turned our society inside out. Every time I see a child with a tear or a smile I wonder what kind of a world we will leave them. 

While wants and desires can work in our favor (i.e. propel us to betterment) for the most part we are desperately consuming the media toxicity in and with constant comparison to have, or have not…. and for what?

I don’t want a time machine to take us back to simpler ways or to go forward into the abyss, I just want all children to know their blessings and embrace them as so many so-called “under privileged” souls do.   Because “want” leads to suffering and there is truly enough of that in our world already.

This has nothing to do with religion, politics or geography; it has everything to do with basic human morals – or in one word, contentment. Our pot at the end of the rainbow, our half glass, our purpose and goals will all be met when we find serenity in our present situation (good, bad or indifferent). 

Will life be less problematic? NO.  But getting a giggle out of a quick sprint that ramps up the adrenaline, takes our breath away and reminds us all that our heart beats to many different drums is a sure path to happiness.  Why make it complicated when things are truly and wonderfully simple. 

This is a truth.  Those that deny this, are those that live in deep drama and are on need of a huge dose of gratitude.  Like the child who can see through atrocity, their soul thrives in a smile it is understood that simplicity of wisdom is only complicated when we make it so.

Now ask yourself in honesty, “What is it that you truly want?” (dl)

Monday, December 21, 2015

The first one who takes our breath away isn’t always the one who will resuscitate us.

When the thighs stop tingling, and the heart doesn’t skip a beat anymore, all is not lost, don’t give up. We have to be open to who and what stands in front of us, without any unreal expectations or drama, and remember why we chose them.

It is an odd presumption to think that the relationship we have with our partners, family or friends will always be the same — wanting consistency that belongs to a past come and gone is root cause of the meltdown. Everyone, and everything, changes.

The only way to sustain a relationship is to accept this truth.This, meaning nothing will be the same as it was when you first met, and trying to keep it in its original form is the portal to breaking bad. You may grow together, or grow apart. That is life, and it is simple, but there are a few things to consider for keeping the fire alive inside.

1. The kiss.

Going in… be a friend before being a lover, and don’t forget to kiss that friend long and deeply.

Eventually the honeymoon will be over, and having a best friend who is your lover is far better than having a lover who doesn’t have the capacity to be your friend. That is the beauty of growing old together hand in hand, without having to sacrifice passion.

Touch is everything — our bodies long for it no matter what the age of the relationship is, and a gentle come and get me look coupled with the knowledge of how you know each other can set the friendship aflame.

2. Leave the psychic ability to the Psychic.

Get this embedded into your heart. The trap of they should know better is the gateway to disappointment, and is selfish and unyielding. The Male mind doesn’t work like the Female version does — end of story. Communicate. Asking in earnest usually equates to compliance instead of anger and resentment.

The respect grows, and heightens love.

3. Don’t take on a hot mess.

If there are red flags at the onset, heed them — because nothing will change.

Your heart will tell you. Listen, or pay the price. It is a hard road to walk if we allow someone into our world just to fill the void, and if you think you will be the catalyst for them (for better behavior) you are sadly mistaken. Don’t let your ego/pride fool you. That is when we end up more alone than before, broken and empty.

4. We are who we are. Period.

We don’t have to be loud about it, but we don’t need to hide what we love to do, to feel, or how we like to be.

If you are ashamed or fearful of their reaction, perhaps they are not The One. Being anyone less than you are, for the sake or the fear of losing out on love, is disrespecting your own Soul. A true partner accepts us (every inch) just as we accept them.

If they cannot understand you at the early stage of the relationship, then bow out — it will not be any different down the road.

5. For the love of Love, drop your sword.

Battles are futile, and what purpose does it serve to fight? The answer is: None. There is no winner, only pain. Stand your ground with love, not ego. Respectful discussions are brilliant, and you don’t have to agree on everything, ever.

Remember that friend from the first point above? Now listen to them (our partners) as you would your best friend, and listen openly. More often than not, you will see something you didn’t see before.

6.Give each other time and space — it is the gift of being true.

Being tied to the hip is a sure sign of co-dependency, control issues and non-trust. Everyone needs room to breathe. It honors the heart/mind body and soul. Space allows freedom, and freedom makes coming together hotter, vivid, alive.

7.Stand tall — if the relationship ends, it was not meant to be.

Thank them. You two came together for many reasons. Maybe you can walk on with peace and dignity.

Sometimes, it is easy to remember them when, yet we don’t remember why. We long for the new, but stay in the old. We want to feel like we did at one time, instead of feeling what it is to be complete and in the moment.

It isn’t a dream, awaken now — the moment is here in front of our eyes.

So exit conclusions, and enter beginnings, no matter how old or long it has been. Life is change — let it change. Change is good, let it come to you. Good is when you let it happen, and the happening is right now. Reach in, release it, and set it free.

Lastly, the heart may feel disappointed and broken for the moment, but all a broken heart means is that you are truly open, and in time you will heal. The pain is temporary, and can be a beautiful reminder of just how alive you are.

I reiterate, love them, thank them, and carry on. (dl)

Friday, December 18, 2015


It is a curious war I have raged as I hopelessly try to engage and fulfill many truths. Problem arises in innocence as I battle the demons from the deepest darkest place in the core.

The truths are so blackened; raw and undefined they stay behind in the space of the surreal. To revive them is like giving birth to a nauseating beast of remembrance –

But I know I must -

Delete the lust when he bent me over
Repel the malign that scalds the memory
Embrace the relentless mind chatter then backhand it hard
Turn a blind eye for my eyes have witnessed such atrocities
Rot in the notion I make a difference
Throw my hands up, as I really don’t give a fuck anymore

The smell of desperation, the taste of cold refute, and the angst of:
Will I? Should I? and can I be someone else if only for a moment.

Walking through the embers of a child, a girl, and a woman of different guises in time and space is difficult to articulate in color, so I stay still in the gray. The fight continues to exist in middle ground like the remains of the ashes that stick to the bare feet of the soul.

As I wash the dirt off my naked sincerity I observe the new form it takes on mixing with liquid life – all of a sudden color pours from the tears; it stems from a mystical aromatic hue that takes my breath away and chokes me hard.

Full circle is the karmic wheel I have lived respectively, wholly, and dangerously wild.

An unrivaled call to meet sets the heart on fire once again. I am alive, renewed and above all ready to take on another round of the core rioting with possibility; knowing full well, that the circle is void and I will be ashen once again… (dl)

Thursday, December 17, 2015


Not knowing where to begin is the most common complaint when we are ‘stuck’–and that’s okay.

Sometimes we just have to be stuck. It is the Universe’s way of telling us to slow down, breathe. It also signals there is more for us to get through and learn in the current situation.

Stuck is often a resting place for the ego that has been bruised, chastised and is a bit wary of relinquishing trust. It happens to us all.

So if you can recognize and accept being stuck as a temporary obstacle, it may or may not ease the situation, however, it may help to know “that this too shall pass.” It may also relieve the suspicion that your intuition has let you down. It didn’t and never will.
Many times a message is in hibernation just under the surface. It is waiting for us to acknowledge what is there so we can thrive.

This is when major shifts occur in our life. As we take on a new form, we lose some of the old. We rid ourselves of unhealthy habits, and the friends and family who accompanied them, while we simultaneously gain a different understanding. We view the aches and pains of a growth spurt as we do a breaking heart, but they are also an opening to the wisdom that was held back due to doubt and fear.
And before we have breakthroughs, we often have breakdowns.

The chaos that comes with a breakthrough typically brings contradiction and conflict (both of which are beautiful teachers). This chaos is an internal cleaning of our house, our mind and body, which eliminates our toxins and poisons. The poison allowed us to deny our pain as we wallow in the mud of anticipation. That breakdown is followed by the great awakening, waiting for the beautiful bud to bloom.

If you decide to remain in the dirt and use “I am stuck” as your mantra, it will thwart any progression as it becomes more than just an excuse. This simply means you are not ready or willing to come up and get clean—and again, that is okay. Just don’t forget to embrace your decision with surrender.
Nothing will make sense until it is time and you are ready.

So when you are done, truly done, ready to move, clean it up and get clear, resolve will unfold right before you. It can be a tough one, but well worth the effort to push through the dirt to cleanse and flower.

We have only this life and this body for now, but we get to reinvent our passions, pleasures, and knowledge time after time, year after year. It is the springtime of our knowing. Fresh, sincere and in grace, being stuck really is a blessing when it is allowed to be.

Remember, every time doubt and uncertainty enter the mind, take it as a gentle nudge from above that what lies below is getting ready to surface. What you decide to do with it is optional, but what I can tell you is this: being in the mud can be a huge mess or a lot of fun. It is also a reminder that there is always something more to what appears to be immovable and dirty than what we see on the surface.
Once it is seen, it is our opportunity to transform and come clean in full bloom.

Photo: Lune Feerique

Monday, November 30, 2015


There was a time in my life when I held fast to the absolutely rigid thoughts based on what I believed life should be for me, meaning: I was owed something.

Tainted by my own mess, I had just cause to feel numb, unsure and insolent toward life, and I kept trying to bleed a bit more into a vial that couldn’t be filled. It soon became evident that clinging to resentment was too hard, and my results were more than redundant, cold and tiresome.

Something had to give… that something was me.

My stubbornness and excuses kept me in a downward spiral. I finally got to a point where it didn’t make sense anymore, and I was exhausted trying to live up to my own bane.

I could feel my heart wanting to take the leap, but the past placed trust at an incredibly unreachable distance, as it had been broken so many times before. I was guarded, weary, and meticulously slow in opening the door to jump — yet for some reason I did.

It must have been the little glimpses of tangible love taunting my being. They were persistent, they were bold, and they pissed me off. They would show when I needed them the most, but my head was too warped in my filthy ego and mired with the thoughts of no credible relevance. I just couldn’t believe I deserved anything else.

Then something snapped.

I don’t remember why, but I do remember the feeling. And so it is in life, the whysand the details are often buried, yet all of a sudden, I realized a softer me — and I liked it.

Perhaps pushing down all the nasties — blame, shame and guilt — for things beyond my control finally came to a head. Perhaps I got to a point where it’s no fun anymore and a thousand apologies couldn’t even begin to cover the emotions.

I may or may not ever know the real catalyst, but for now it isn’t important. What is pertinent, true and real is acceptance. The Savior of all Saviors, the God-self of forgiveness, the path to getting un-f*cked begins and ends there. Everything in between is just fluff.

Change takes time and acceptance, and it works on us in many unseen ways. The key is to surrender, to find it, and unlock that closed mind. We have to get over ourselves and into our liquid heart.

I promise, flow happens when we melt.

And when we dissolve into surrender, there is alchemy in the mind, in the body and in the soul. When you are here, give alms for the moment to happen — the experience is an act of pure synergy.

It is the art of letting yesterday be just that, with no thought of tomorrow. Then we are released from the things that take us out and down.

A time to cede, a time of peace, and more than enough time to accept where we are, who we are, and be good with it.

Not to give up, but give in. Not to quit, but to pause and dissolve the mental hopscotch that messes us up — thinking, forever thinking…

Remember, there are some situations that just need you to be still.

And when we reach inside, gently manipulate the little uglies that prance around our head like giggling imps in our garden, and signal to these thoughts that they are no longer needed or necessary.

We can rise into the sublime, fold into reverence, and drink up the lull in our day.

When we melt, we are fluid, as the tears roll, shed and shine. A much needed ejection will pour liquid diamonds. The skin will moisten, our presence will soften, and the outlook will be viable and supple. The gems are rare, the wisdom is fierce, and the knowledge is there for the taking.

All the trite becomes evanescent; all the damage begins to repair — into a place of healing, love and sweet surrender.

I promise, we flow when we melt.

Many thanks to Rebelle Society

Saturday, November 28, 2015


A flood of memories, 
the silent skies, the silent streets, 
a distant song and subdued faces will forever haunt - perhaps that is a part of the gig. 
The thoughts are so vivid even the ill-feeling in the pit of stomach is present (once again) 
and after all the disbelief and shock, 
the internal lion roars out of nowhere.
(I think) until resolved, we are supposed to remember but how soon we forget. 
The unsettled comes in furious and agitated
with no recourse or substitute – and we regress. 
Laden with sorrow or guilt 
what kind of sullen trick do we play with our heads, our hearts and our souls?
It doesn’t have to be this way…
Use forgiveness.
There is no going back
no changing the unchangeable.
Some things are meant to stay, but if it hurts so badly and there is nothing left to learn – 
we must forgive and let go. 
Staying in pain takes a huge commitment.
releasing is an act of the fearlessness 
and that is a memory we all have, 

In silent skies, empty streets and a distant song. (dl)

Monday, November 23, 2015


Are you struggling with the holidaze and their meanings? You are not alone. Every year my disdain for the season grows. The hypocrisy, the money, the ever-present wants and obligations - and to fulfill them all…..

Big sigh.

It is no secret that the retailers are ramping up the holiday campaign earlier and earlier to grab our hard earned money (the all mighty dollar.) They bombard us with sparkling guilt, the snow filled promise of a better day, and puppy-eyed life changing happiness around a story (a story that I personally believe Is, just a story) and they laugh all the way to the bank.

But we all (myself included of course) begin to trudge through month after month of cosmic materialism. I use the term “cosmic” because the advertising manifests their way into everything and every aspect of our viable life, beginning in late September.

The ads somehow tap our veins, gets into our minds, and seduces us via twinkling ice icicles, peppermint mochas, and the (devil of them all) shopping.

Try as I might to ignore it – I get sucked in and it all enters my head to the breaking point, and then I get pissed at myself. I just haven’t figured out how to tiptoe around it – so I don’t. This upsets my family a bit, but my adamant stance against it never fails to ignite a fire (no apologies.) And they say, “You used to LOVE this time of year, what happened?”

A lot happened, but I will save you the bloody details and just say I lost my passion for a Holiday lost in translation.

What I want to share instead of ranting more on this is: Turning the revolt back into something special true and tangible, begins and ends outside of the content attached to the season. We can dig into our hearts instead of our pockets all year round - the needy are not just needy this time of year. The unfortunate children want so very little. The simplest of things that go beyond the coin (that we all take for granted) include a smile, a hug, a warm coat, shoes without holes, a new comb, or 3 meals a day…

It is heart wrenching to know how much pain exists in our own back yard.

The most amazing thing is to witness the extreme graciousness in the homeless, the tired, the young, elderly and the desperate that live with nothing - yet have everything when it comes to simplicity of the heart. Spend a little time with these souls and it is life changing (to say the least.)

Does it solve the problems? NO – Will Oct- through Jan be less commercialized? NO. But we can all numb it out and go full throttle with a bigger campaign inside our hearts to help out instead of obligatory shopping.

It feels kinda right…

I started a few traditions with my family that I would like to share –

* We make goody bags of fruit, warm hats, gloves, and basic hygiene products and give them out all year long. (The Dollar Tree is a great resource to fill the bags without breaking your wallet)

* My favorite “donation site” is KIVA – Loans that change lives ( – you find someone in need, give them a loan and they work to pay you back. Once you have been re-paid, you can do another loan. The money recycles and a little goes a very long way

* The Giving Tree – pick (from the tree) simple requests children have made and fulfill them. Take your Kleenex; it is a tough one to read the wants some of the angel have.

* Find the shelters that need your donations all year round instead of “good willing” – Your local Church is a great resource.

* Donate time (if possible) instead lieu of money. Libraries, Nursing Homes, local schools, Churches etc. they all can use extra help all year long.

Giving certainly ignites this time of year, but dwindles after the New Year however kindness and giving isn’t seasonal. Keeping the “Spirit of the Season” alive beyond a few months really helps to cast a gentler view on the mass commercialism and opens up what is truly important. It also lessens the assault and the burden of materialism forced upon us all.

So as I breathe this all in, I settle a bit and go back to the magic and the reality of what this time of year holds – The ultimate irony of so much sadness and so much joy condensed 3-fold as the holidaze climb into our tears and out of our wallets.

The good, the bad and a child was born – Santa (St. Nick) is watching and the meek shall inherit the earth. (dl)

Tuesday, November 17, 2015


Problems will intensify when we don't act on what we truly know and feel...

Oh how I get restless with the urge to run, even though I am a homebound rooted soul.  And I was told once, "That is a problem" but I couldn't get into that theory - sometimes, we just have to fly. 

Like so many, I don't do well in a lot of noise or a frantic pace so to pacify the edge I need to resonate with the sounds that soothe us naturally; nature’s sounds - or no sounds at all, but to get there can be tricky – this is what I do…

When the yen to escape is looming, go inside your creative excuses to be invisible - there is a whole world you can tap into.  It is that momentary gap one foot in reality, and the other somewhere else. This is like a "meditative state." It is the place where we can hear the whisper of the beating heart and the sound of nothing - surrounded by nothing. This is the intuitive juices rush through our veins to simply say…. breathe; and in an automatic response, we breathe.

Free to go nowhere and everywhere we lightly rise. 
Imagine the gentle warmth of the thermal…This is it. 
The freedom of our spirit - let it soar. 
Listen to the sound of your soul. (dl)

Monday, November 16, 2015


The hardest thing about peace is: Our world (our nature - Nature itself in it's most primal sense) is as violent as it is beautiful... We have to reach deeply and soulfully inside ourselves to accept this. I am not there - yet 

And life goes on.  But at the end of the day we all have the capability to dabble in our delicacies, our vulnerability, and our knowing to make a conscious decision as to how we hold compassion for the utmost horrific acts that happen on a daily basis.

This isn’t just religious; it is global violence via poverty, hunger, and ignorance that takes innocent lives off the map and it happens in every corner of the world. 

The way to create peace is to make peace with the dark side, and as cliché as that statement is; it is the only way to resolve our bleeding hearts.  The problems are so embedded in upheaval as the lost souls are dying (literally) to have some kind of revolution.  This is the biggest plea for help we have ever encountered, and it is happening right now.

The mindset of our angry society is – “There is nothing to lose, no one cares.”

There are thousands upon thousands that are affected by the negative energy and hundreds of thousand more who want just want to STOP THE MADNESS.
What a concept – What do we do?

Candles? Prayer? A call to action, and not words? 

We seem to be powerless against the machine.  I go back to the dark side, even my own heart has malice for killing in the name of ________ (you fill in the blank) but an eye for an eye only leaves us blind.  So when I consider the origin, and I begin to compare and contrast our humanness with the sun rise and sun set I see that: To take in the beauty of the sky (that holds so much mystery) we have to take in the understanding that is also has the power to destroy is in us all. 

To be peace, to be love, we have know - that the “duality” of life is our bane. 
This doesn’t mean we accept the unthinkable, but accept that at each end of the spectrum, life recycles and karma takes care of itself.  I know in my body, in my blood, in my heart love will heal our broken ways when we let it. 

And I wrote a piece this AM to the kindred tribe of the hurting

There has to be another way

Rally internally to
raise the vibration
to change the conversation because hate is what the haters want – don’t give it to them
Hold vigil in your heart
to clean intentions, clear thought, as love truly rules…
This is far from over
And on wounded soil bloodlines run deep
We feel it
We know it
There has to be another way….

Sunday, November 15, 2015


The beauty of being lost is we get to find our self again….

That is the joy and sorrow of our inward journey. Everything we thought we knew changes, transforms, breaks and expands and we can greet it with wonder, or dismiss it. But standing at the edge of a long fall is intimidating – not death itself, but the excruciating pain that comes to us when we break.

So where is the edge? Is rock bottom the catalyst for change? Searching, grinding it out, the tears can fill a river and we keep on looking. We look everywhere – high and low. We long for guidance and the easy way out yet nothing is easy when we are desperate.

But the truth of what we all long for is in our face and we all inherently know this..
Like it or not – it is the fear and loathing that separate us, and it is not in the only in the mirror; it is our in our eyes in our heart, in our soul.  Anything less than our truth that we try to justify and cling to won’t stay, as in all things, a choking grip will simply kill us - it is only in release that we can heal.

Yet a higher or more advanced soul will concur that to die is what is needed.
Then all the judgment is gone, the fear is gone and the option to re-do is there, how easy that sounds – but it isn’t.

Once again we need to be mended, caressed and put back together. It is a process, a never-ending process but inch by inch, coming full circle out of the past and back familiar ground is a comfort – resting momentarily in reflection. 

The question is: Did you actually find reprieve in the fall or did something else cradle your misery? When you come out of the dark night of the soul, does it have meaning or is it just a place of light where our shadow is hiding?  Look closely at the answer…

What happens in the quest is hard to articulate. But after a while the longing begins to subside and acceptance makes its way home to take its proper stance.
And all that you thought was out there waiting suddenly fills every inch of your being reminding us that the closer we get to spirit, the less we need and lost was a place, once upon a time – fragile, messy and chaotic.

Welcome home. (dl)

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

A Love Note to My Daughter.

If there was ever a time when I needed you, it is now—but, I can’t say it.

I take a big inhalation and push that need into a different part of my day and carry on.

You breathe out and I breathe in your air; given, taken, reused, refused and revived, but you don’t notice.

This is about the ever so slightest separation of time and space between us, and then locating what stands in the middle of our presence: strong, unassuming and real. I ask, “Where is the void, the push and pull and the song?”

We are as far away from the snow melt, and as close as the leaves coming back to the tree to breed new life and you seem untouched by it all; yet that is so wrong, so terribly wrong and untrue. However, it is your gesture of the nonchalant held in your eyes that is deceiving, until I really look at the pools of emotion you try to hide.
It is an odd thing you do…

That smile is so transparent as you try to cover up what stirs you to tears, or drops you to your knees even when you are standing tall. I want to whisper in your ear and tell you it is okay, there is no shame, and you are loved beyond words—but you won’t hear me.

So I lean in, gently touch your brow, move my hand into yours and we sit quietly. No words, no noise, no reason. We are good like that. I am speaking to you in my mind and my heart. Then without hesitation you softly squeeze my uncertainty with the intention of “I understand.”

Pride reigns in your courage, yet holds you in chains. I wish you could see your beauty, your power, and your light. Yet that is just me, needing you to unfold.

This is a bit selfish, and hard; a truth, but I love you more than any sentence structure, more than words—it is just too hard to articulate.

With the nod of the head and a simple sigh, you are not my baby anymore.

We used to say sky and back and now what I can tell is, that the sky is truly not big enough. (dl)

Wednesday, April 15, 2015


We don’t have a false self or an authentic self – All we have a self (which is more than enough) – don’t get it twisted.

This “self “ dons all kinds of hats with many descriptions, accusations, glorifications and bears many criticisms, yet it goes on. 

It makes its depute beautifully violent, miraculously alive, and helplessly discontent - then told how to feel, how to be, how think and breathe properly (even when we already knew this at the time of conception). 

And those of us who dare to question authority from the word go, are thought of as hopeless and an incurable pain – but the pain we endure of this ageless and endless true/false identity erodes the soul and has the propensity to make us old before our time. 

We are rebellious and curious, true to our bones, steadfast in our convictions and then our truth will change. It changes with each moment, each day, each passing season and as warranted to new knowledge –

The raw truth is transient just as nature is, in its entirety – forever renewing and creating a new “authentic” truth.

This comes with much dispute and accusations as others question our resolve, but it is not a concern because the life we hold has so many truths we can choose just which one or ones we want to be. 

What works for one doesn’t always work for another – there is no “one size fits all” so embrace what feels glorious, what kindles the fire and what makes you true inside out. 

Forget about trying to be authentic because as soon as you do…. THEN You will be. (dl)

Artist – Kaila Gudee in tribute to Esphyr Slobodkina 

Wednesday, April 8, 2015


How much wasted time is spent in anger?  If time is money, think about cost of this (physically, mentally and emotionally). Every moment we hold resentment, and anger in our heart it depletes our savings and it is exhausting. 

But the biggest question lies here in; what purpose does anger serve? Internal venting, releasing and purging has its place (everyone gets angry), but justifying constant anger as “normal and ok”, stands alone in arrogance and in the ego/mind as righteous indigence.  By holding on to it, caressing it and giving it room to breathe and grow creates poverty in the soul - we become pitiful, and vindictive.

Not to say that life won’t continue to try and beat us down – but to look at the problems with an attitude of how did I get here instead of life did this or that to me is far more empowering.  It takes the guesswork out of trying to figure out someone else’s motive. You see, we can’t ever truly know what goes on in the minds of another, but we can certainly find a higher place to view it from, then the solutions are coming form love, not hate.

We never have to agree to poor behavior but we always have a choice on how we want it affect our being, our essence, our life. Do we free up and move on, or hold a on to our reactions like they only possession we own?

And there is a huge difference between accepting and tolerating our emotional choices, but they both leave a mark on our soul.  One is by conscious surrender; the other is by disheartened happenstance.  One is accountability; the other is blame.  One holds internal power; the other encourages weakness.  

Everyday we have the opportunity to accept and make amends with our past and forget the anger - Everyday. It is up to each one of us. Do we endure one more minute of sadness, blame and guilt or is today the day we say, “ I will not give away one more precious second of my life to something that is long gone - I did it, I am over it, and I am done”.  (dl)

Thursday, April 2, 2015


Why are so many, many people unhappy?
Is it because people want an excitable existence and we have somehow decided that being content is a bore? Or has our culture created the need for a storm (drama) as the only thing that breaks up the so-called monotonous life?

It seems odd that “Happiness” has become associated with serene and placid, which evidently doesn’t work that well in our society anymore. People tend to gravitate to content that is toxic and in some messed-up way; it brings satisfaction.  This (to me) is upside-down and twisted, making happiness abnormal when in truth - happiness is our true nature.

Dissatisfaction seeps its way into our being as we are constantly comparing ourselves to others.  Media knows how to sell this well hitting on our emotional insecurities based on surface and materialistic values (and we are all to blame because we “buy” it).  With instant gratification, expectations and entitlements we tend to lose sight of the simplest pleasures, they are lost in comparisons, wants, and objectivity.

The “competitive edge” coupled with greedy desire is the workhorse of a media driven society.  We are bombarded by images of what life is supposed to be, what we are supposed to look like (and feel like) and when we don’t have it, or we don’t look a certain way, we suffer. 

To ponder….What is the message we are teaching our children?

We don’t need to be elated or giddy to be happy, and of course life happens. Problems arise, (they will always be there) and we will always get emotional but, the minute we lessen the severity of the highs and lows through sensibility and mindful thought and step back from unnatural media garbage, is the minute we begin to feel better about feeling better. 

Yes… it is a conscious choice. Yes it is an attitude. 

We can’t control what life throws at us, but all have the ability to control the way we react.  True happiness isn’t always easy yet it certainly is available. (dl)

Wednesday, March 25, 2015


There is such a misconception about being a free spirit –
We are:  Gypsies, hippies, artists, poets, muses, writers, and usually loners with an abundant amount of friends.

We live in the moment, but that doesn’t mean we are without responsibility.  It means following the heart, the core, and we are immersed in life fully.  There are no stipulations, no regulations, and no conditions (for the most part). We live to live, love to live and love all life has to offer, all of it - and freedom is the music of our soul that drives us home.  

The free spirit knows a deep respect for nature as it amuses and amazes us constantly.
We are misunderstood (thought to be a bit whacked) and we do and say the things most people won’t.  We are risk-takers; solid lovers and we don’t do much about “what if”.  We are said to be “old souls” with wisdom beyond our years but we have been chastised, criticized, mocked, and also admired for our knowing.  

Temptations find us, touch us and move us to tears, while we are looking out for the wounded and the underbelly of what life really means.

People often think we don’t care about much yet we do.  We care deeply, intently and wholly.  
And if it appears that we are disinterested, or inattentive; it is only that we standing outside a fine line of involvement.  That line is a conscious choice we make to try not to interfere where we know we are not meant to be - and for the most part the only thing that scares us is the toxic energy of drama, (we don’t need it or want it around).

Some believe we have already “been here” so many times that our taste of life is exotic and savory.  Some think it is only in our past experiences and lives that we conquered so much tragedy and pain that we now have such a carefree view.  I am on the fence about all that but living in and with the lighter side of life brings simple happiness – It is embracing what comes our way good bad or indifferent, being in the flow and not trying to swim upstream all time. We live the highs and the lows and all points in-between.  

The mantra, it goes like this:
We are ordinary souls with NO intention of having an ordinary life. 

The spirit is in us and will continue to be “A Rebel without a Cause” - but isn’t that what life is all about? Living to the fullest, throwing caution to the wind?

If you are nodding your head as you read along, you are in good company but you know how difficult it can be - and as our spirits collide and dance in the moon lit sky, it is nice to have some conscious camaraderie.

I see you, you see me and we know….

Life is a gift, and we were never promised to be kissed by the wind, yet through it all our hands are held together by the common thread, and that thread is the presence of the free spirit ….called love.  (dl)

Wednesday, February 25, 2015


There are hundreds of thousands of millions of us in contemplation about life and its purpose… But in the end, what does it really matter?  The Universe (as far as I know) could care less.

Looking deeply at where we come from, our inner issues and trauma can bring about clarity for the moment yet nothing is ever really set in stone.  The theories, the reasons, the postulations are all just opinions. And while science has provided us with basic justifications the deeper, higher, and more ethereal questions still remain a mystery.

Some pursue the great unknown with verve, and some fall into it by happenstance as awareness finds them in a higher consciousness. Some are born into curiosity that drives them to conquer their endless quest for knowing and some are completely uninvolved. But no matter which way the path takes us, there is always something to glean; it is up to each one of us to discern the information received. 

Dissecting our heritage, lineage, name/birth pertaining directly to us and our tree of life is facinating and there are also many amazing souls who can help. But the real work is in our own self-exploration and discovery.  So be wise, be frugal, be in-tune when you process the information. If it doesn’t align, we are usually not ready for it. (It is too complex or it is too general.) 

Peeling back the layers is an arduous task and while it helped me find many personal realizations, there was never a pure definitive answer to my purpose. Relentless questioning brought tears and joy, dark and light, and that is life. But after years of searching and numerous head (and heart) aches, I have finally come to meet my resolve. Infinity reigns in the abstract and obscure and some things are just not meant to be known.

I don’t really spend too much time in unfounded confusion (the unanswerable inquiries) anymore, I simply accept the unknown and I am good with that. I used to cling to religion, metaphysics, science or the occult for defining an existence because it brings comfort to the inquiring mind, but I surrendered knowing the spectrum is too vast, too complicated and blows my little mind. 

Life is a process. We have to learn our own limitations, challenge them, go to our edge and come back again to access. 

There is solace in like-mindedness, but something so very brilliant about solitude. It is where we have no one else to validate or approve what we are unsure of (it causes us to think) – It is where we learn to trust our self and as we do, we take a huge leap in connecting with the universal energy... to get to this point? I truly believe it takes a certain amount of hard living. 

The thing that stalls us is we get so enamored with the mystic, we all forget we are human. We tend to run to the things that comfort our inquiry minds instead of challenging them.  (Again, discernment is a beautiful thing.) So when our mission is in high gear, only the things we want to know will adhere to our memory as they tickle or push buttons of a time come and gone. Then we spend time trying to make sense of it all when there is nothing to make sense of - period. The frustrations build like thunderheads.  This is when we have to say enough already, for what does it really matter?  Let it pour. 

The bottom line is: How are living and what are we thinking? Ask these simple questions: Is it kind, is it true, and is it pertinent – then ask why. 

Are we living in integrity or swimming in toxic past trying to make or break the future? As we all know tomorrow is never promised and all we have is today.

Who knows what we will be remembered for and knocking on the pearly gates for most (especially for me) is not an option or a motive to live in good honor, high intentions and have fun. 

The past is a prison sentence, and the future is unknowable – 

All we have is enough to sustain us and it is our duty to be good to our self and others, treat our planet with the highest respect so we can move on. 
Anything beyond that? is all open for interpretation.   
-debbie lynn

Saturday, February 14, 2015


The a deeper shift – in observance
Life is moving faster, times are in huge flux and our world crying out for change.
* Ties are being severed of long time family obligations and misplaced ideals that no longer serve us.
* There is a backlash of acceptance when it comes to poor behavior in the name of righteousness.
* Our engaged soul is taking a silent stand and being revived from the dormant childhood memories we harbor.
* The natural purge of the toxicity is in place without having to explain it to anyone.
* Many are finding their voice, their place, and their path.
*  There is a bigger understanding of our connectivity via acceptance and compassion.
Now more than ever the unconscious are becoming conscious and it is up to each one of us to aide in the process.

No matter what others say, you know it, you feel it, and it is real so keep on being the example of acceptance and share your knowledge.  (dl)