This is what I do with direction from spirit. There are so many words that flow sometimes it is hard for me to keep up. I wasn’t sure how I was going to process my loss except writing it out and finding the way to express what I have experienced. The pain has been unbearable at times. Crying so hard that I was gasping for air. I know many, many of you can relate.
I mourn in my silence, we mourn together.
The love that has poured has been truly inspiring. I have it seen first hand and felt what it feels like to have that dichotomy of being wrapped in an amazing embrace and pushing down the pain at the same time. The dichotomy of {release} and rueful {holding on }working simultaneously on my heart.
The days melded into each other and the minutes passed so slowly that there was an illusion of infinity of a second.
Then as the moment finally arrived, exhaustion overwrote all other emotions and took us all down quickly.
As the next phase slid by, the arms extended, the good bye that is only a good bye on this plane was stated and done. Everything else became surreal.
Coming back to a familiar setting was foreign, doing the things that I was supposed to do seemed so mundane and unimportant…..just odd.
What is this crazy pain? Why is it stabbing me? It is Love….it is love, and love hurts. When you are so open, when your heart is free, your love moves in and out with every breath.
Now, I can understand why so many choose to close up. If there is no door for the love to come in, neither can the pain. I used to think that pain associated with loving someone was to be avoided at all costs, but I am here to tell you to run to your pain.
It is an expression of the purest love energy that you can experience.
After the tears recede a bit and you can see a little clearer, pull up that smile remembering the one who is dancing in their light, flying free with out their troublesome body is kissing you from above. (DL)
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