Monday, October 16, 2017

I DON'T BELONG...



Conformity is a huge undertaking when it makes our gut hurt, skin crawl and feels so very alien and yet, there is a certain comfort in the uncomfortable that we long for, need, and we occasionally wax nostalgic in dreamy remiss.

Sometimes, I wish in another time-and-place there wasn’t any need for validation, because in that “need” we end up swimming in the river of ambitious expectation. We put a lot of hope in humanity that they will ease up on judgments and perhaps try to accept things outside the self. But it doesn’t happen.

And I understand that when there are differences, they may appear twisted and create a fear that rises from the core, yet most of these so-called fears are nothing more than an ignorance and lack clarity. Fears often stem from emotions that are simply misunderstood.


But the masses have a fascination with the wild, mysterious and dangerous side of the soul, and this is where so-called normal people sit. They sit out on the ledge talking; always talking. Talking and assessing things they know nothing about. The language is trite, the mood is somber and painful. Mission accomplished, that ‘normal being’ hurts so many people.


"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are some else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." - Oscar Wilde


In childhood, we learn this trick early on. We learn to size-up a person, a place, a thing with little knowledge of the whole. The opinions are large, and they make us feel better about ourselves… how odd it is to knock someone down to feel better? And the irony of this is: deep inside those insecurities and judgments, is pure jealousy for the unique and the mystic person as a free person….

But as they talk in metaphors, the karmic wheel goes round.

Standing on the outside of many worlds

A loner with thousands of friends
Fitting in only at surface level and never allowed into the circle
Open arms, closed fists
Mysterious queries
Major judgments
The sects always have something to say
And I weep for the future



So please don’t let anyone tell you how far away from the line in the sand we are – just hold their hand so you can cross over it together.

Sometimes, the worst part of being the odd human is the empathy we carry; it can really be confusing and contorted. But to jump in and fix it all isn’t always the solution - and we just have to sit back and let life in. This means better listening, better understanding and betterment all around. No sugarcoated promises and no half-truths laced in sparkling words.

The pictures painted in our world are dulled-to-core so we have to guess at the meanings and try to be wiser in discerning the contrived and miscalculated visions. But the beauty of it all is: there will always be a way to color a brighter scene. An awakening can be found every time we opt out of someone else’s expectations.

The only way to make peace with it all is to step away from the things that don’t make sense to others and release them. Yes, just “Let that shit go.” What works for one doesn’t necessarily work for all and the sooner we wrap our heads and hearts around this, the easier it is to have peace with just who we are.

We are organic creatures that die inside ‘normal.’ Forced to ridged, molded and someone we can’t relate to is the definition of suffering. I bow to the misfits, the poets, artists, musicians and the dreamers…

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